Book OVERVIEW
Journaling is a very healthy exercise. Putting your thoughts, however long or short, on paper can help clear and focus the mind. It’s useful in any period of life, be it good days or bad days. It’s become even more trendy with the age of self-help, self-confidence and seeking. This is a trend that is beneficial. Not all of them are.
It’s typically more effective when you do not lie to yourself in your journal. It’s even more effective if you are not in active addiction struggling with cognitive dissonance for years while journaling.
Most addicts have journals that start at or near their bottom as it’s prescribed as part of the recovery process. Very few recovering addicts journaled prior to addiction, through the early phases of it, and in during the peak of the shit leading to their bottom. If you are lucky to see the other side, you typically don’t have handwritten evidence of exactly what you perceived to be your truth during it all.
I do.
Hi, I’m Mathias and I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m not famous and I don’t have a degree in mental health nor am I a professional in the substance abuse disorder field. I don’t have a million followers on social media and this isn’t a book by a guru of any sort. It’s a book by someone who looked very well put together and happy on the outside while killing himself on the inside. It’s a book by someone who could be your friend and if you found out was an alcoholic, you’d respond with “Really?! I never would’ve guessed”. That was the response I got over and over.
There is some pride in being able to hide my inner chaos, looking like it was all just fine. That’s outweighed by the realization of the level of work and deception it took to do so. It was exhausting and not something I wish on anyone.
For those who think “I’m not that bad, look at what they’re doing”, this book provides common ground to show that the hardest struggles could be the internal ones. And there is no shortcut to fixing those, it takes work and unfortunately a moment of clarity. Like getting in a car accident drunk on a Thursday at 1:30 in the afternoon. Handcuffs and jail can wake a man up. It’s not the most spectacular bottom but that’s the point. High-bottom addicts can remain high-bottom addicts for a very long time prior to running themselves into the ground. I always thought it wasn’t that bad because I compared myself to others who haven’t lost a lot of their life. It was coming, but I was lucky to get ahead of it.
I have 5 years of journals that span from newly, happily married to ‘I may have a problem’ to full blown alcoholic to being sober since April 9th, 2021. This provided a lot of material to how an addict thinks and how I tried to reason my way out of being an A word (addict or alcoholic, pick your poison). ‘Not Yet Too Far Gone’ is incredibly unique in its exploration of an alcoholics mind as it’s an exploration of the lies one tells themselves in the midst of active addiction from my own writing. Journal entries giving the basis for conversation with myself, and giving insight to non addicts of how we feel. Not just through memories, through actual journal entries along the way.
In support of the self-analysis, my therapist graciously agreed to join in on the writing and provide her first-hand clinical perspective and expertise. So my story is shared via three voices throughout the book, Mathias in active alcoholism, Mathias in sober mind, and Mathias’s therapist Ashley Boyd (AB). It’s one thing to re-read your journals, it’s another to analyze them in an effort to share them with the world. Writing about how you felt when you were in active addiction, lying to yourself and having your therapist cross-reference her session notes to analyze ever further is daunting. Check your pride at the door and lean into humility. It’s also a great practice in sobriety. Writing the book between my 1st and 2nd sober birthdays helped me stay on the path. Never did I think “maybe I can still have a drink” while reading about what it turned me into. Simply put, writing the book helped me stay sober.
I read a lot of books trying to outsmart my alcoholism. Trying to find a story that didn’t end with extreme consequence and one that showed how manipulative the mind can be. As I started this book journey, the initial task was to write the book I wish I had found. Something that if I picked up in the midst of the worst times, may have gotten me sober. I believe we accomplished that and if it helps one person, then all the time is worth it. Hell, if it doesn’t, all the time is still worth it as reliving the not so glory days of addiction is a great way to not want to go back.
‘Not Yet Too Far Gone’ is an exercise in humility and sobriety and one that I wanted to share in hopes of providing hope for anyone who is feeling what I felt through it all.
Meet Mathias John
Mathias John (6/21/1985) is an award winning recording studio designer working around the world with a client list that has won over 50 Grammys collectively. He grew up around Chicago, IL and moved to Nashville, TN in 2011 for the music industry with dreams of becoming a Grammy winning engineer and producer. At this point in his career, he leaves the Grammy wins to his clients and focuses on what he does best - Acoustical and architectural design fused with audio engineering.
Mathias took to philosophy when he turned 30, specifically Stoicism, and finds journaling as the best foundation to his day and life. He has a beautiful wife, Jessi, and supportive family. He’s never been alone in his journey, despite how he felt and wrote. His therapist has said he is one of, if not the most high-functioning alcoholic that she has worked with.
He provides the perfect case study to how well one can hide his struggles and still progress in many areas of life. Overlooking the internal struggles and obvious evidence that points to being an alcoholic, Mathias was skilled in manipulation and deception for years while drinking. These days Mathias has found much more peace being skilled in emotional intelligence and honesty.
It’s easy to look at Mathias’s life in two parts: with and without alcohol. While drinking, the focus was outward and how everything looked to others. The search was always for a good time, not anything mediocre. No true happiness was found in the little things. The excitement in life needed an external substance to thrive, meaning, alcohol was the only way to experience, feel and have fun.
Without alcohol, Mathias is connected with the world in a different way. He zooms out constantly and sees everything through as many lenses as possible, all of which are much clearer than before. Him and his wife plan vacations around hikes and being out in nature. In sobriety, Mathias has learned how to love deeper, find joy in every day or situation, and is an active triathlete.
Being an open individual focused on exploring his past and wanting to help other high-functioning substance abusers, Mathias analyzed his journals from the hardest time in his life. It started as an exercise in continuing his sobriety and evolved into a book to share what many need in their life; shared experiences and hope.
Meet Ashley Boyd
Ashley Boyd (8/26/1976) is a Nashville-based licensed professional counselor and supervisor who works primarily in private practice. Ashley works with individuals struggling with trauma, co-dependency, anxiety, and addiction. She loves walking with others as they look at their story and connect the dots as to “why” they operate the way they do. Once the “why” has been identified, then comes the “what now.” She experiences great joy in cheering on her clients as they take steps to live life as fully as possible.
Ashley’s warmth, empathy, and humor allows her to quickly connect with clients as they begin the incredible work of health and healing. In addition to working with individuals, she has lead numerous therapy groups, worked with couples in crisis, taught as an adjunct professor in the counseling department at Vanderbilt University, leads all day trauma intensives, and continues to supervise counseling students and post-graduate therapists working toward licensure. Much of the wisdom Ashley has to offer is derived from her life experiences as well as the time she has spent on the “the couch.” She has grown immensely because of her own individual and marriage therapy as well as periodic intensives.
Ashley spent her first 18 years in Southeast Texas before attending Baylor University. She majored in Speech Com/Telecom and Journalism, but realized studying psychology, sociology, and religion was WAY more interesting. Ashley entered the non-profit sector after graduation and had the opportunity to work with several amazing organizations. She has worked in Central and South American prisons, helped to resettle refugees, assisted adults with mental and physical disabilities, and served as the volunteer coordinator of a large homeless provider. Early on, Ashley thought she wanted to be the head of a faith-based non-profit...so throw in a Master of Arts in Biblical Leadership around 2003. With every non-profit, she somehow found herself working on the front lines not knowing how to address the major emotional struggles and mental health issues that were in front of her. And this led her back to grad school- this time she would get her Masters in Counseling at Vanderbilt University. After graduation, Ashley did agency work for several years before entering private practice.
Ashley has been married to Blake for over 23 years, and she still thinks he is the funniest human on the planet. They have two incredible boys who are heading to high school and college next year. Ashley could be described as pathologically adventurous, and she says that she has experienced enough love, adventure, and joy for two lifetimes. During her free time, you can find Ashley roller skating in the park, paddle boarding, cheering at her boys’ baseball games, walking her golden retriever, or playing Scrabble.