i cried today

How’s that for a blog title?

I know what you're thinking - Mathias, don’t cry, that's so sad.  What’s wrong? Are you ok?

Yes, I’m doing well, thank you for your concern. These were tears of joy and being overwhelmed with how beautiful life can be. 

Think deep breath, emotional sigh and slow tears down the cheek. This wasn’t hysterical sobbing, though it wouldn’t be a problem if it was. Just trying to paint the right picture for you.

Earlier this week, I received the copy edit of Not Yet Too Far Gone from our book editor. We didn’t do a big editing overhaul as we want the self-published edition to be as much of us as possible and leave room for a publisher to bring it to another level. That being said, it’s damn near close to being exactly what we want it to be and saying exactly what we want to say.

To date, most of the readers of the book have been people who love me.  As you could imagine, there is a little bias in their thoughts.  My editor, Jocelyn, is the first book professional to read it cover to cover. The response from her brought tears to my eyes, here’s a little snip of it;

…you've written something really special. I was wrapped up in your words from start to finish…you manage to strike some wonderful tonal balances, while also entertaining us and informing us…

Validation! Hallelujah! We always had a feeling that we had something unique and special. Hearing it from a professional editor was next level for me. Tears of joy flowed freely.

This wasn’t the only emotional moment from that day. The next came when I shared this note with my book marketing consultant. Jenn from Mixtus Media has taken me under her wing, kept me sane in my own marketing journey and is currently reviewing my book proposal. Her response to me sharing Jocelyn’s words (and her take on the first read of the proposal) also fired up some waterworks. 

…I think you’re going to hear more and more comments like that. You certainly have something very special here…

I didn’t know how much I needed the kind, encouraging words until I read them. Life can surprise you in moments of insecurity or doubt.

The interesting part of my insecurities around the book is that I’m not insecure about my story. I’m not ashamed of it anymore. I’m happy to share it as I know what shared stories can do to a person, I’m the product of it. It’s taken some serious work to be able to say that and sharing my journey is not where the insecurities lie.

The insecurities are around thoughts like ‘what if the writing isn’t good?’, and ‘what if nobody cares like I do?’  I’ve told a lot of people I believe that it’s going to be something important. What if that isn’t true?  

Here’s where I land after I talk myself down - that insecurity shit doesn’t matter. What matters is that the book and the deep personal work that came with it kept me sober and continues to keep me on the right path. Also, a book is a piece of art. Art is subjective. Some may love it, some may hate it. 

Love it or hate it, I’m choosing to wholeheartedly believe in it. Ted Lasso style.

And I’m thankful my small community of book professionals feel the same way.

Talk to you next week, 

- Mathias John