3 years!!
Happy Anniversary Mathias!! Or happy new way of life, or happy sobriety day….a lot of ways to say that as of April 9th, 2024, I have gone 3 years without a drink.
The year marks are kind of a big deal - if I stay on the up, I hope to have 30+ more. Quick math and I’m less than 10% of the way into my sobriety.
That is exhausting to think about.
Thought this would be a really upbeat and fun blog? Ha! Gotcha! The milestone came with a myriad of feelings this year. Leading up to the date, I felt physically heavy, tired and emotionally off. Probably not as celebratory as you imagine eh?
Why was I feeling this way?
Because the yearly milestone is a reminder of another year of hard work, and another year of hard work is ahead. And after that year, if you’re able to keep it all together, you win a prize of….yes you got it, another hard year of work. My lifelong prize for staying sober is tomorrow.
That is exhausting to think about.
In early sobriety I figured at some point I’d stop thinking about it as much and have a “normal” frame of mind. That’s hilarious to look back on! That’s only possible if you ARE NOT addicted to something. The addiction is constantly reminding you that it’s still there. Don’t take your eye off the ball, because it wants to be dropped. It wants to fall. It wants to further your bottom.
That Mother F*****.
And it will if you get complacent or stop working at it.
So, as you can imagine, the yearly mark comes with some heaviness knowing the long road ahead. As I heard recently, you can be 25 miles down the highway of sobriety, but you are still 5’ from the ditch on the side of the road.
That all being said, 3 YEARS!!! One of my best friends likes to remind me that every day an addict doesn’t pick up or use is a miracle. It may seem like an exaggeration from the outside, but I believe that more and more as this journey progresses.
I’ve been brought to tears out of sheer gratitude multiple times this week. Yes, that sounds like a cheesy influencer line, but its the truth. It takes a village to get sober (in my opinion). I tried to do it alone, and if you’ve made it through the book, you know that I could not. Community and support is essential. And when I reflect on my journey, I think of those in the community and those who have supported me at every turn.
3 years. It’s a big deal. It’s a lot of days. And it’s also the toddler phase. There’s a lot of growing up that was done (and even more to go) - it all began when I realized that the one thing I thought was giving me so much life was in fact the thing holding me back.
So as you enjoy your beverage of choice, spirited or not, raise your glass and cheers to 3 years of not letting alcohol hold me back anymore. Cheers to the miracle of recovery.
Thank you for being here.
Talk to you soon.
- Mathias John
