Vacation - an unlikely break

I would guess a lot of people out there drink more on vacations.

I had another mindset…

We all love a good vacation. Everyone needs a break from everyday life for different . And everyone’s breaks look different.

For a lot of people, vacations are a time to let loose, relax and perhaps indulge a little more than normal.  Have donuts for breakfast every day.  Enjoy a piece of pie after dinner with no thought of sugars or fats. Mix another cocktail, uncork some more wine, one more beer couldn’t hurt right?  We’re on vacation! 

I loved this mindset when I was on golf trips with the boys. However, when it comes to trips with my wife or her family, I had a very different mentality.

Vacations were a mini-break from my addiction. 

I’m not saying I was sober on vacations. Definitely not. I’m saying that while some scale up consumption on vacation, I was scaling down. As much effort as I put into hiding things in my day to day life, I was aware enough to know my limits. So for a few days at a time on these vacations, I forced myself to deal with the anxiety and obsession of sitting around waiting for another person to ask ‘Can I get someone anything to drink?’ or ‘Who wants another drink?’

The anxiety and obsession of where the next drink was coming from is something that continues to shock me. Until I removed alcohol completely, I had no idea how much that was affecting me and how often I would feel it.  It was an extremely consuming feeling, one that I am extremely glad I don’t have to be subjected to anymore.

Vacations these days are a wonderful reminder of how awful that feeling was. That’s not a joke, I love being reminded of how bad things were. It’s big part of staying sober for me. 

Those reminders are closely connected to the level of gratitude in my life. Gratitude shows me how fortunate I am, how many gifts I have in my life.

Being able to actually relax is a gift.  Not trying to plan the day around sober periods of time and what time was acceptable to drink is a gift. Being able to enjoy everyone’s company and be truly present for them is a gift.

Not having to obsess over consuming the next drink is a f***ing gift.

Hope you all had a great holiday weekend/week and we’ll talk to you soon.

- Mathias John