competitive self-work sucks.

Competition is the kryptonite of working on yourself.

You know the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy”? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Except worse.

Comparison and competition are similar. Competition, by nature, has a winner and a loser. One person, or team, outperforming their opponent. The aspect of outperforming is why we’re choosing to go with competition over comparison here. 

Please feel free to find the humor that competition wins out over comparison for this blog.

Getting competitive with others who are doing similar work on themselves may set you back. It may stop you dead in your tracks. If you’re like me, it may make you feel as if you will never be good enough despite all the work you’re doing.

On the flip side, it may light a fire in you and make your self-work extend deeper and faster.  If this is you, stay clear of me please, because I’ll compare myself to that amazing response and spin out into the shame circle…actually it’s more like a shame tornado.

For me, whenever I start to feel that competitive mindset around self-work, specifically recovery, it does not end well. If I’m in a space where I see other people winning at their self improvement, I default to me losing. 

Look at how far ahead they are! They started from a lower bottom and are still further than me!  Why don’t I have the peace and serenity they have?  Are they on some sort of mental/emotional/spiritual performance enhancing drugs? Well, hopefully not drugs in recovery.

In this competition, I am not a sore loser. I am cheering everyone on, no matter how long or short they’ve been doing the work. I am one of your biggest fans. I hope NYTFG provides me the opportunity to cheerlead for a lot of people.  

Did you notice that I wrote ‘I am not a sore loser’ and not ‘I am not a loser’?  

That’s why competitive self-work sucks.

It can make people feel like they are losing the game. If you are taking any steps to improving yourself, no matter how big or small, you aren’t losing. You are winning. Keep going. 

If I get competitive in my self-work and sobriety, I lose. My mind has a strong response on that front that I’m working to change. I need to remind myself to cheer for Mathias like he cheers for others - with all his heart and soul, and believing it will get better and knowing the work pays off.

The competition also comes with those who are arrogant about their own self-work. It’s unfortunate, its unacceptable, but its true. In the recovery world, sharing with others to one-up and win does not do any good. We share to encourage and to provide common ground. We don’t share to win the meeting or ‘outperform’ anyone. I’m glad these brothers and sisters are doing well, however it doesn’t need to come from stepping on someone to be lifted up.

Self-work takes many forms, and a lot of people are on the journey. This is a great movement in society. We should all take great care to be only supportive of others and not competitive with them. Everyone is different and we’re all moving through it the best we can.

So, like most blogs, this is a huge reminder to myself. Don’t get competitive. Don’t let others get competitive with you. Keep doing the work and keep moving forward.

Thank you for being here.

Talk to you next week.

- Mathias John