tis a season

Not my favorite season, but a season nonetheless

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

I’ve said this serenity prayer more times that I can count at this point. It's a staple for 12 steppers.  It’s also useful for those not in recovery.  But this blog isn’t about the serenity prayer, that’s just what came out when I started typing.

And this blog post isn’t really a blog post, it’s a journal entry. Let's start how I normally start, with the date and day counts I write daily.

November 30th

2189 (days married)

965 (days without a drink)

9 (days until the 50k)

More than ever, I am so thankful for my sobriety. Life has thrown a lot this way recently and I’m nowhere near a bottle. 

The emotions I’ve felt recently are not what many would call enjoyable.  While it’s important to maintain perspective on others' struggles and what they are going through, knowing there are people out there who would trade struggles in a heartbeat…I have to acknowledge that it’s a tough season.

And I have to acknowledge that I would not be able to handle this if I still used alcohol as my support system. Or more accurately, my numbing mechanism.  

Truth is, I don’t have a numbing mechanism anymore. That's as beautiful as it is difficult. I consider it extremely beautiful…ipso facto extremely difficult.

I have to acknowledge that in hard times, when I don’t want to give myself credit or a pat on the back, I am able to sit in the discomfort. I’m able to feel the tough emotions and be supportive to those who need me. 

Showing up for others. Being fully present for them. Providing whatever comfort I can give.

That’s huge. So I’m proud of the work I’ve done and the person I’ve become over the past 2.5 years. 

Thats all for this week. Short but for me, powerful.  

Thank you for being here.

Thanks for being here. Talk to you soon.

- Mathias John